Getting lost on the mountain was just as much my fault as anyone’s. I didn’t speak up when I thought we were going the wrong way. I didn’t speak up because I was afraid it sounded like complaining. Things were bad enough without complaining. I thought I needed to be constructive.

So, there were three roads I could take: (1) be silent, or (2) speak up in a complaining way, or (3) speak up in a constructive way. I took the first road.

This is what I’m doing in church. I’m either silent, or – more often – I am complaining and reactionary. This isn’t good leadership. But to have the mental energy to speak up in a constructive way is difficult. It’s easier to react, or be silent.

Who We Are is What We Do

I think many conversations that happen around here on religious issues fall into one of four categories:

  • Phariseeism – to gain a sense of self-righteousness or moral superiority by comparing ourselves to others who we despise
  • Vilification – to dwell on and exaggerate the faults of others in order to justify our negative attitude towards them
  • Hypocrisy – to say or think we believe something, even though we do not practice it when we have the opportunity
  • Unjust Judgment – to have an imbalanced scale for judging the significance of some sins over others – condemning people for sins that irritate us and ignoring other sins which we can tolerate

I believe the percentage of these conversations is large enough that it is reasonable to say that these four categories describe us. We are this way. We are this way enough that we think this is normal . . . like some people think using bad language is normal. They get uncomfortable around people who don’t use bad language. We gravitate towards people who do these four things like us.

In the gospels, Jesus spent a lot of time talking about these issues.

But, complaining is bad leadership. I need to speak up in a constructive way and not complain. The goal is to practice church, which means to facilitate spiritual transformation in the lives of others. Transformation begins at home, so I need to stop practicing these four categories myself.

Practicing Church

Practicing church is like practicing friendship. It is commitment in a relationship. It is resolving conflict. It is watching out for each other’s spiritual growth. It is facilitating transformation in each other’s lives.

When I said a couple weeks ago that I don’t believe in church, I mean that I have ample opportunity to practice church, but I don’t. This should tell me that I don’t believe in church. As long as I do not practice church when I have the opportunity, I am an unbeliever in church.

I can’t change my beliefs by deciding to become a believer. I’m not a person who believes in practicing church, and I can’t transform myself into that person. Only God can. I discover what I believe; I don’t decide what I believe. I don’t learn what I believe by looking at my thoughts and my intentions. I discover this by looking at my actions. My actions describe me better than my intentions do.

I need your help in repenting of my unbelief.

Specifically, the greatest barrier to my practicing church is my double-Phariseeism. This is when I see myself as superior to others who are doing things I think are wrong. I silently say to myself, “Lord, I thank thee that I am not as my family members over there who are so Pharisaical. I’m glad I see the wrong in what they’re doing.” But, in saying this, I am Pharisaical.

This is my double self-deception. But it is complicated enough that my conscience takes several days to sort it out and prick me. And by then, I’m thoroughly into a bout of depression and willing to tolerate the contradiction.

And when I tolerate the contradiction, I am not practicing church.

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