Ingroup-Outgroup Christians

Ingroup-outgroup behavior is what we do when we trust our friends, but keep our distance from people we don’t like. One Scottish clan would vilify the clans around them to maintain a sense of group identity. The USA vilified the USSR to give a sense of purpose to the space program and national defense. This helped some presidents get elected.

A shrinking Baptist church in Alabama might talk again and again about the differences between their beliefs and the beliefs of the churches around them. This is a reason to come back each Sunday. They imagine another lonely church in Kentucky that believes as they do. “Someday, their pastor might come down and visit us. We would have such fellowship!”

NEEDS

When we’re hungry, we eat. When we’re tired, we sleep. It’s automatic. Eating is a felt need. It is an animal need, because we share this behavior with animals.

It’s not wrong to eat. It’s not wrong to sleep. It’s not wrong to collect shinny objects and take them to our nest. It’s not wrong to avoid people who act strange. It's not wrong to gravitate to the group at the wedding party that isn't drinking beer. It’s not wrong to protect your family from intruders. These are felt needs.

RECOGNIZING INGROUP-OUTGROUP Behavior

I've noticed two ingroup-outgroup behaviors:

1. Relationship Levels. We have friends we want to be around, and acquaintances we tolerate, and other acquaintances we don’t like – these makes levels in our relationships. We have a comfort level that tells us how much energy we want to invest in others.

2. Vilification. When we talk with our friends and vilify our enemies, we create a sense of group identity and cohesion. If our friends agree with us, we feel secure. Talking about our enemies is relaxing.

That little Baptist church in Alabama feels isolated. All the big churches around seem happy and busy. When the pastor feels especially depressed, he organizes a potluck for the church. Everybody comes – all five families. After the meal, the adults talk.

"Aren't we glad we have the Holy Spirit?"
"Yes, we're not like those big churches that are so busy and rich."
"Right, deep inside, they must feel so lost."
"I was talking with my friend, the pastor from Second Presbyterian, and he said they're borrowing to build a gymnasium."
"You're kidding! I'm glad we don't let our kids play competitive sports."
"Yeah. I think he feels overwhelmed by all the debt."
"How much do you think they owe for those new pews?"
"How do you know about those? Was that where you were last Sunday?"
"Oh no! We were visiting relatives over the weekend. I was over there to pick up my co-op order."

Talking about a common enemy is an ancient way of knitting a group together. This is a powerful process – it literally re-routs our brain paths and reorganizes our memories. We interpret our memory of past events by talking about those events with our friends. We gain a sense of shared memories and shared values and fellowship.

Ingroup-outgroup behavior can be the software of our relationships. It is how we relate to people. When we're talking with someone, we are always aware of the groups that person is willing to vilify with us – we agree on someone to outgroup – and that agreement on who to outgroup is how we relate to each other. What else are we going to talk about?

Were you interested in reading this article because I titled it, "Ingroup-Outgroup Christians"? This article is about those other Christians over there who do ingroup-outgroup behavior – we're not like them.

BEYOND FELT NEEDS

When Jesus went to the cross, was he expressing his felt needs? I don't think this explains what he did. He went beyond his needs of food and sleep and companionship.

I feel justified in criticizing people I don't like. They deserve it. But, my attitude doesn't help my enemies. It may not hurt them, and it satisfies my felt needs, but this behavior isn't spiritual.

If we want to feed our spiritual needs, we need to be honest with ourselves. It's easy to rationalize our animal behavior and call it spiritual behavior. We feel happy, but we don't grow.

We don't grow because our ingroup-outgroup behavior is like a dam on the river of spiritual growth. A very small sin dams up a lake of good things. It looks so small and inconsequential. We don't see all the good things that would come if we removed the dam, because all we see is how small the dam is. It's okay. Leave it alone. I'd feel lost without it.

WHAT Do We REPLACE It With?

One way to go beyond felt needs is to do difficult things. Go hungry and give our food to others. Stay up nights tending to the sick. Don't collect bright shinny objects or expensive digital cameras.

At a wedding, don't migrate to our cluster of friends. Welcome strangers. Don't shoot intruders. Love those who are hard to love. Speak well of our outgroups. Instead of looking for differences, look for what values and desires you share with others.

A child who sucks his thumb at age twelve could occupy his hands with something more constructive. I think peacemaking with our outgroups is a way of redirecting our energy. It is difficult, and it transforms us.

I think personal transformation is the opposite of ingroup-outgroup behavior.

When we ingroup-outgroup, we see ourselves reflected in the people around us. "Who am I? I'm like my friends." Or, "I not like those people over there." We focus on what's outside us.

It takes courage to face the challengers inside ourselves. I vacillate between getting irritated at others for not being who I think they should be, and looking inward at myself and getting irritated at myself for not being who I should be. I can actually get irritated at ingroup-ougroup Christians, and tell myself that I'm not like them. I roll this comforting thought around in my mind – until I realize my thoughts are just copying what they are doing.

If I gain my sense of affirmation from the transformational process I recognize inside myself, than I might wean myself away from ingroup-outgroup behavior. I don't need it.

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